Sometimes the things inside my head drive me batty. Drive me crazy till they have no other course to escape other than screams. Zelda mentioned the other day that she had found some resources on couple communication. One of her sources stated that people yell or scream when they feel like they aren't being heard. Well, hello! Why else do we scream? But to be heard. Of course I am not being heard, no one ever listens to me. I can say the same things over and over and over agian till I am blue in the face and still no one actually hears them! I want to be heard, I want my thoughts, feelings, emotions, EVERYTHING to be as important as someone at work, the person in the coffee shop, friends...as important as their thoughts and feelings and emotions. Of course I want to be heard. When I have to listen to myself only talk and listen to myslef, I am screwed. then it builds and builds and rages out in billowy white hot rage directed at nothing specif just spewing out to cover everything. "LISTEN TO ME" I want to scream. "Don't just sit there and pretend like you care, do really care, really make me feel like you care you idiot!" Then maybe I wouldn't have to scream. it's bottled up, pent up, raw, crude pure mainlining emotion we are talking about here. if you don't give a damn then say so. But don't pretend you do and then show me that you don't.
The thoughts and things that accumulate in my head overwhelm me. They will destroy me if I don't let them out. They eat away at my sanity. And when they do come out in the undirected general spewing that covers everything. Well, then innocent people get hurt along the way. Thank Goddess some of them have learned to ignore the spewing and just love the helpless crushed flower that comes afterwards.

If I could go the rest of my life and never scream again to be heard, I could be happy. I want to be heard. I want to be happy. I want the screams to go away. I want the things that are causing the screams to go away. I just want someone to listen and really hear what I am saying and to honestly give a damn.